Wipe your crack with my face. Thanks. Nothing says summer like a proud display of Caucasian excellence. Introducing the Caucasians Beach Towel : official Freeze the Comedian merch featuring an all-over pattern of Freeze's signature parody logo. Because one corn dog wasn't enough, and apparently your beach accessories need to make people uncomfortable too. Perfect for Hula dancing and love making; this bad boy soaks it ALL up. Whether you're drying off after a swim or lying there turning three shades of lobster, this towel makes a statement without you having to say a word. Lay it down. Spread it out. About the Towel Soft, cozy cotton-polyester blend All-over Caucasians 2026 pattern printed on one side Absorbent terry fabric on the reverse side Small: 30″ × 60″ (76 × 152 cm) Large: 36″ × 72″ (91.4 × 182.9 cm) US fabric: 52% cotton, 48% polyester; 10.6 oz./yd² (360 g/m²) EU fabric: 50% cotton, 50% polyester; 11.8 oz./yd² (400 g/m²) Blank product sourced from China Care Instructions: Follow the care label. About Freeze Freeze is an Austin-based stand-up comedian who's performed at SXSW, Cap City Comedy Club, and The Vulcan, and has been featured on KUT/NPR Austin.